he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
