Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
