You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
