I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
