Me. At least after what I've been through.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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