I feel like abortions should bother me more
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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