he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
