the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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