I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
