Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
