brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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