oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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