I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Everything about him screamed your future.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
