Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
