Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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