When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i used baking grease as lip gloss
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
