Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
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More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
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It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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