whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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