Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
