TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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