I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Your penis caused this!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
