I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
