He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
