just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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