I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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