Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
