so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Its about making memories worth repressing
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
