dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
