my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
