i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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