how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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