So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize