she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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