Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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