I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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