It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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