"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
