WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
