It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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