Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
