Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
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I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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