Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
