the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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