i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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