I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
