Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
