just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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