There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
