Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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