didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
