never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
