they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
