Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
