I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
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Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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