I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
