Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
