just come out here and I will go home with you...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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