how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
