i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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