guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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