You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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