Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
