Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
