Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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