If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
