I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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