dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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