and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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