I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
