I have demons in me.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
